ACHIEVING ADULTHOOD
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★ A SCROLLABLE ROAST IN 20 ACTS ★

Happy 20th
Anishka.

ANISHKA KHANDELWAL

Twenty years. Fifteen photos. Twenty teases. One Wall of Roasts you can contribute to. Scroll at your peril.

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↓ KEEP GOING
01
She lives 15 minutes from college and has never once been on time.
02
Her phone has been on silent since 2017.
03
She replies "hmm" to questions that took you four minutes to type.
04
She wakes up at 11 and claims she's been "up for a while."
05
She has perfected the art of looking at you like you're the problem.
06
She borrowed a charger in 2019. It is gone. It is never coming back.
07
She would pick pizza over a marriage proposal. We have asked. Twice.
08
She has been doing "5 more minutes" since she was three.
09
She knows exactly when you're talking about her. She does not care.
10
She has four unread messages from her mom. They are from Tuesday.
11
She insists she's "almost ready." She has not started.
12
Glasses-core academic by day. Pizza connoisseur by night. Same person.
13
The side-eye started before she could walk.
14
She has, on at least one occasion, lived as a slice of pizza.
15
She negotiates birthday gifts like a hostage situation.
16
She thinks "I'll do it later" is a complete sentence.
17
She has a tone reserved exclusively for her cousins.
18
She has been a celebrity in her own mind since 2009.
19
She will, without warning, walk into a room and own it.
20
We have spent 20 years annoying her, and somehow she's still our favourite. Happy birthday, kid.

★ THE WALL OF ROASTS ★

Anonymous Teases
From People Who Know Her.

Each one was submitted by a real person who is too cowardly to sign their name. We know who you are. She doesn't.

She Secretly wants to be a PRINCESS

— MJ

Genuinely believes she's the favourite. (She is. We can't say. Please don't tell her.)

— Family

Response time to 'beta dinner ready': 30 minutes. Response time to 'pizza?': 0.4 seconds. We have the data.

— Family

I built her a whole celebrity website instead of going to the gym. Worth it. Happy 20th, kiddo.

Happy 20th, Anishka 🎂

For all the side-eyes, slow replies, pizza orders, and unanswered phone calls — we love you. We'd say it more often, but you don't pick up the phone. — The Family